We’re all familiar with Aquaphor, cooler older cousin to the similarly petroleum-based Vaseline. Superior, IMO, due to its profile of soothing and moisturizing ingredients…whereas Vaseline, by contrast, is just…plain old petroleum jelly. But I’m not here to look down my nose. I’m here, as an avid Aquaphor ambassador, to break down what Aquaphor is, and to enlighten you as to when, and how, it’s a good idea to put it on your face.
No, seriously though…can we make the ambassador thing happen?
No?
Fine, alright—let’s do this anyway.
Aquaphor is comprised of a petroleum jelly base mixed with some tasty little add-ons that, in my mind, really elevate it above Vaseline and that sad, brandless petroleum jelly that’s just called…Petroleum Jelly. A main one is glycerin, which shows its face in a wealth of skin creams and moisturizing products, and for good reason—it’s a potent humectant, which makes it a thirst trap—literally. It draws water into the skin faster than that one Tinder selfie hooked your last one-night stand. (You know the pic…yeah, that one probably shouldn’t have made it to the internet, tbh). But unlike you after fleeing his house following the discovery of his taxidermy room, skin is left satisfied.
Similarly to glycerin, lanolin alcohol, which is also present in Aquaphor, locks moisture into the skin. It comes from the sebaceous glands of the sheep and is uniquely similar to human skin’s natural oils—making the duo kind of like you and your best friend who you swear actually is your twin separated at birth. But unlike lusting after the same guys and sharing those jeans you both secretly wanted to steal, there’s no competition between the two oils—lanolin just smooths and soothes our natural oils, adding sheen and softness to our skin. Like the time your bestie gave you a makeover. Awww.
You know those words that just don’t sound real? Well, here’s a doozy of one for you: “bisabool,” which is just a silly name for an oil from the chamomile plant that has soothing, moisturizing, and antioxidant properties. Like a warm mug of chamomile tea for your face, it can soothe irritation and provide hydration. But what might come as a surprise is that it also acts as a time machine…sort of. The oil’s antioxidant properties work to neutralize free radicals, those nasty little buggers that contribute to premature aging, including fine lines and wrinkles. Bisabool won’t take you back to party like it’s 1920, but it just might keep you looking like you’re in your twenties a bit longer.
Now that we know what’s in Aquaphor, we need to know what it’s a good idea to put Aquaphor on. One key piece of Aquaphor lore (Aqualore?) is that it’s highly comedogenic, which means it’s highly likely to clog pores and cause breakouts. So what does this mean practically?
By this point we’re all familiar with slugging—the controversial practice of coating one’s face with Aquaphor or a similarly occlusive product, which went viral circa 2023. The practice is said to reduce wrinkles, slow aging, and plump skin by essentially vacuum-sealing products to the face and a layer of hydration into the epidermis. Which is all well and good if your skin’s natural state is thirsty as a fish in the desert. But let’s face it—a lot of us have skin that’s less “thirsty fish” and more “salty bitch”…by which I mean, volatile, easily thrown off balance, and prone to breaking out…albeit, less in temper tantrums, and more in some very un-chill acne.
Yeah, we hate her too.
Because Aquaphor creates a barrier between the skin and the rest of the world, it traps all that nasty stuff we usually prefer to set free, like bacteria, sweat, and oil—which, for acne, is like adding water to a grease fire. Sure, your heart’s in the right place, but you’re just gonna create an explosion in the form of pustules, and papules, and cysts, oh my!
At the height of the slugging mania, (before I went to esthetician school, y’all) I fell victim to the siren song of slugging and optimistically adopted the practice in the form of a face full of Pond’s each night. Night after night, I languished in my tower, waiting for my Prince Charming to awaken me with true love’s kiss…
Which means the kiss of perfect skin. Obvs.
But my skin grew more and more congested, and it wasn’t until I took it upon myself to take a visit to an actual esthetician that I determined the culprit.
Well, she did. Same difference.
So what was standing between me and my clear skin dreams?
A literal barrier of Pond’s Dry Skin Cream, which I’d been slathering on my very-much-not-dry-skin like some kind of meddling, counterproductive complexion gremlin.
Moral of the story? Decide for yourself whether slugging is the right move based on your skin type, conditions, and goals. A a rule of thumb, drier skin types that aren’t especially acne-prone tend to benefit more from the practice. If you’re prone to breakouts and on the oiler side, you might just end up looking like…well, like me in December of 2023 *shudders*.
But you do you, boo.
Still, if you’re determined to put Aquaphor on your face even if you’re on the oilier side, there are ample ways to do so. Lemme grab a cappuccino, and then I’ll walk you through them.
….
Whew, sorry, the line at Starrbies was crazy—should’ve mobile ordered.
Let’s do this.
You know that story I just told you about waiting for your Prince Charming to kiss you with perfect skin?
I hope so—I literally just told it. (Rolls eyes.)
Well, I’m here to tell you that you don’t need to wait for him. Like the Fairy Godmother of self love that you are, you can easily wave a magic wand and add some glitz to your grin, some sparkle to your skin…as long as that magic wand is coated with a dollop of Aquaphor.
Flash! Shining lips.
Flash! Sparkling skin.
Flash! Silky lids.
Flash! The paparazzi chasing your new starlet self down the block, all the way to that coffee shop I just left. You’re forced to surrender the contents of your wallet and a couple feet pics to make them skedaddle. (Eew. Weirdos.)
That is the power of Aquaphor, lads, lasses, and sasses.
So maybe Aquaphor won’t make you an instant celebrity (Thank gosh, right?) But it is a nifty tool to glam up your eyes and lips and to make your cheekbones pop. (Plus the bridge of your nose, or just the tip, if you wanna get freaky.) This tip may work better on some skin types than others, especially when applied to the cheeks and that (freaky, freaky) nose. But a slick of Aquaphor on the lips is generally well-tolerated and works great alone, as well as under or over lipstick, adding shine and a shot of moisture that keeps your pout feeling comfy from work to the witching hour.
Even once you’re home and ready for some beauty rest, Aquaphor on eyes and lips has its place.
READ: The Aquaphor you applied before going out is NOT an excuse to come home from the club and crash face first on the bed for the next twelve hours.
(If you do, we won’t tell. But we will judge.)
Assuming you’ve taken off your makeup—which, plot twist, you can also do with Aquaphor (just keep in mind whether your skin type will welcome it). After completing your two step, or twelve step skincare routine, your final step could be coating your eyelids, under eyes, and lips with Aquaphor (as mine always is). The antioxidants in the bisabool will work overnight to combat free radicals, aka melt the day’s stresses away. It really is like a cup of chamomile tea for your skin! Once you’ve determined the appropriate ways to use Aquaphor for your skin type, the question isn’t if Prince Charrming will bring you the kiss of perfect skin—it’s when.
Sleep tight, beauties. I can hear the carriage wheels already.